Guaranteed to Happen This Off Season

What will happen this winter (and in one instance next season) as 29 losing teams set their sites on the 2014 World Championship:

1. Kirk Gibson will flee the depraved confines of the Fascist Republic of Arizona and take his considerable baseball acumen back to Michigan as the new manager of the Tigers. Gibson performed miracles in the talent wasteland of Diamondbacksville, and could be just the guy to take over from class act Jim Leyland, who oversaw the rebuilding of a once great franchise, but could not get that title to go with the one he brought to Florida. Arizona’s blowhard general manager Kevin Towers might as well then prepare to manage the D’Backs himself, rather than spend his valuable time searching for a manager who will conspire to commit felonies by following Tower’s edict about his pitchers needing to intentionally hit batters with 95 MPH pitches.

2. The yankees will overpay considerably for the dramatically, overwhelming, unbelievably overrated robinson cano. Enough said.


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3. The San Francisco Giants will be rewarded with a solid eight to ten wins next season from Tim Lincecum (10-14, 4.37 ERA) after they shocked the baseball world by giving him a two-year, $35 M contract on the eve of the World Series. You would think that they learned some sort of a lessor with the Barry Zito deal. They gave Zito a bit less per

year, but for seven years in a deal totaling $126 M. Zito’s career in some ways paralleled Lincecum’s, with a couple of pretty solid seasons early in his career, followed by average to mediocre seasons thereafter. Thinking there would be more of the early Zito left in him, the Giants rolled the $126 M dice, and have gotten 63 wins and 80 losses (and a 4.62 ERA) for their money over the seven years since. Need I also mention the name Ted Lilly?


4.The Dodgers, who now firmly believe that money can buy happiness and looting a farm system can be overcome by acquiring more and more overpaid veterans, will send three or perhaps four of their top prospects to Tampa Bay for David Price, who unfortunately at only 28, has already seen his best years. Having three lefty starters in the rotation would be a nostalgic return to heydays past, such as 1965 when

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lefties Sandy Koufax, Claude Osteen and Johnny Podres manned three-fourths of the rotation, winning 48 games between them, and when the club’s top three starters, Koufax, Osteen and Don Drysdale, AVERAGED 310 innings pitched each. But back to the present: The Dodgers should not consider trading either pitcher Zack Lee or especially future third base star Corey Seager. While there is still a potential logjam in the outfield, OF Joc Pederson may be a step behind these other two in potential but he is much closer to being major league ready. 17-year-old lefty Julio Urias may have the most potential of any young Dodgers’ pitcher, but no one can project the future of a 17-year-old lefty. The bottom line is that talk that the Dodgers could trade three or even possibly all four of these guys for Price is ludicrous. They’ve held on to Lee despite several potential deals over the past year or two, and Seager is in the Kershaw-Puig-Kemp talent class. Enough said.

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